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the CAST of ER, ranked

Back by popular demand (or just by my own delusions of demand), Ranked has returned – this time to take a look at some of the earliest players in ER.  Sure, this round is going to be pretty darn skewed toward a certain now-famous movie star, but we’ll at least see who comes in a distant second.  I’m changing it up this time to avoid an overload of text and simply giving the digits – let’s leave the commentary for the comments section!  Let’s dive in…

Anthony Edwards
ER fame: +3
Awards cache: +12
Comedies: -3
Indie cred: +1
Cult/fanboy hits: +1
Dramas: +1
Box office biggies: +1.6
Later TV work: +1
Behind the camera: +4
FINAL SCORE: 21.6

George Clooney
ER fame: +6
Awards cache: +52.25
Comedies: +4
Indie cred: +2
Cult/fanboy hits: +2
Dramas: +4
Box office biggies: +10.2
Later TV work: +2.5
Behind the camera: +0
FINAL SCORE: 82.95

Julianna Margulies
ER fame: +4
Awards cache: +17.75
Comedies: +2
Indie cred: +1
Cult/fanboy hits: +1
Dramas: -2
Box office biggies: +1.4
Later TV work: +11.5
Behind the camera: +1
FINAL SCORE: 37.65

Noah Wyle
ER fame: +3
Awards cache: +4.75
Comedies: +0
Indie cred: +0
Cult/fanboy hits: +1
Dramas: +3
Box office biggies: +0
Later TV work: +7.5
Behind the camera: +2
FINAL SCORE: 21.25







Looks like Wyle just narrowly got defeated by emergency room patriarch Anthony Edwards – throw those thoughts in the comments!

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bluths and fünkes, ranked

Ranked has officially returned.  If you’re just tuning in to Ranked goodness, I take a look at the film and television work of a specific cast during and since their run an particular show or film.    For this Arrested Development edition, I eliminated both Jeffrey Tambor and Jessica Walter, as they’d had fairly established careers prior – for this one, it’s about the kids and the son-in-law – and since the show never caught on hugely during its run, the first point category garnered everyone +3 across the board.  After some surprises (who knew Portia de Rossi had done so little since AD?  And just how much guest work can Will Arnett and David Cross do??), we got some interesting end results.  Scoring legend below.

Jason Bateman
AD fame: +3
Awards cache: One Emmy nom (+.5), One Globe win (+3), 
One SAG nom (+.75)
Comedies: The Break-Up (+1), The Ex (-1), Juno (+1), Hancock (+1), Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium (-1), Extract (-1), Up in the Air (+1), Couples Retreat (+1), The Switch (-1)
Indie cred: Juno (+1)
Cult/fanboy hits: Smokin’ Aces (+1)
Laughable dramas: The Kingdom (-1), State of Play (+1)
Box office biggies: Starsky and Hutch (+.9), The Break-Up (+1.2), The Kingdom (+.5), Juno (+1.4), Hancock (+2.3), Couples Retreat (+1.1), 
Up in the Air (+.8)
Later TV work: King of the Hill (+.5), The Fairly OddParents (+.5), 
Scrubs (+.5), The Jake Effect (+1), Sit Down Shut Up (+1)
Behind the camera: Director of episode of AD (+1)
FINAL SCORE: 22.95
**notes: Starsky and Hutch had highish box office receipts, but was a critical dump – classification is questionable; also, it pained me to deem Couples Retreat a “success”

Portia de Rossi
AD fame: +3
Awards cache: N/A
Comedies: N/A
Indie cred: N/A
Cult/fanboy hits: N/A
Laughable dramas: Cursed (-1)
Box office biggies: N/A
Later TV work: America’s Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story (+1), Nip/Tuck (+1), Better Off Ted (+2)
Behind the camera: N/A
FINAL SCORE: 6
**notes: It’s amazing how she seems to be one of the more famous cast members, but her body of work is so limited since AD began airing

Will Arnett
AD fame: +3
Awards cache: Three Emmy noms (+1.5)
Comedies: Ice Age: The Meltdown (+1), Let’s Go to Prison (-1), Blades of Glory (+1), Ratatouille (+1), Hot Rod (-1), The Brothers Solomon (-1), Semi-Pro (-1), Horton Hears a Who! (+1), The Rocker (-1), Monsters vs. Aliens (+1), G-Force (+1), When in Rome (-1), Despicable Me (+1)
Indie cred: Wristcutters: A Love Story (+1), Brief Interviews with Hideous Men (+1)
Cult/fanboy hits: Jonah Hex (-1)
Laughable dramas: N/A
Box office biggies: Monster-in-Law (+.8), Ice Age: The Meltdown (+2), RV (+.7), Blades of Glory (+1.2), Ratatouille (+2.1), Horton Hears a Who! (+1.5), Monsters vs. Aliens (+2), G-Force (+1.2), Despicable Me (+2.5)
Later TV work: Will and Grace (+.5), King of the Hill (+.5), Sesame Street (+.5), Freak Show (+1), Eva Adams (+1), Sit Down Shut Up (+1), 30 Rock (+1), Parks and Recreation (+.5), Increasingly Poor Decisions… (+1), Running Wilde (+1)
Behind the camera: Writer/producer of Running Wilde (+1)
FINAL SCORE: 28.5
**notes: Monster-in-Law and RV were tough calls as they were panned, but had relatively good box office

David Cross
AD fame: +3
Awards cache: N/A
Comedies: Eternal Sunshine… (+1), Curious George (+1), School for Scoundrels (-1), Alvin and the Chipmunks (+1), Kung Fu Panda (+1), Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (+1), Megamind (+1)
Indie cred: Eternal Sunshine… (+1), I’m Not There (+1)
Cult/fanboy hits: N/A
Laughable dramas: I’m Not There (+1), Battle for Terra (-1)
Box office biggies: Curious George (+.6), Alvin and the Chipmunks (+2.2), Kung Fu Panda (+2.2), Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (+2.2), Megamind (+1.4)
Later TV work: King of the Hill (+.5), Just Shoot Me! (+.5), Crank Yankers (+.5), Pilot Season (+1), Oliver Beene (+1), Tom Goes to the Mayor (+.5), Cheap Seats (+.5), O’Grady (+.5), Wonder Showzen (+.5), Family Guy (+.5), Freak Show (+1), I’m in Hell (+1), The Colbert Report (+.5), Law & Order: Criminal Intent (+.5), Odd Job Jack (+.5), Aqua Teen Hunger Force (+.5), Human Giant (+.5), Important Things with… (+.5), Tim and Eric Awesome Show (+.5), Increasingly Poor Decisions (+1), Running Wilde (+1)
Behind the camera: Writer/producer of Freak Show (+1), Writer/producer of Increasingly Poor Decisions (+1)
FINAL SCORE: 33.6
**notes: She’s the Man was sort of a toss-up for me

Tony Hale
AD fame: +3
Awards cache: N/A
Comedies: Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (-1), Stranger Than Fiction (+1), Unaccompanied Minors (-1), Because I Said So (-1), The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (-1), The Informant! (+1)
Indie cred: Happythankyoumoreplease (+1)
Cult/fanboy hits: N/A
Laughable dramas: N/A
Box office biggies: RV (+.7), The Tale of Despereaux (+.5)
Later TV work: Stacked (+.5), The Room (+1), Case Closed (+1), Big Day (+.5), Andy Barker, P.I. (+1), Buy More (+.5), Samantha Who? (+.5), Boldly Going Nowhere (+1), Cop House (+1), United States of Tara (+.5), ER (+.5), Rules of Engagement (+.5), Ctrl (+.5), Chuck (+1), Numb3rs (+.5), The Life & Times of Tim (+.5), Community (+.5), Law & Order (+.5), Justified (+.5), Medium (+.5)
Behind the camera: Producer of Ctrl (+1)
FINAL SCORE: 16.2

Michael Cera
AD fame: +3
Awards cache: Austin Critics (+.75), BAFTA nom (+.5), 
Chicago Critics (+.75)
Comedies: Superbad (+1), Juno (+1), Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (+1), Extreme Movie (-1), Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (+1)
Indie cred: Juno (+1), Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (+1), 
Paper Heart (+1)
Cult/fanboy hits: Superbad (+1), Juno (+1.4)
Later TV work: Veronica Mars (+.5), Tom Goes to the Mayor (+.5), 
Tim and Eric Awesome Show (+.5)
Behind the camera: Original music for Paper Heart (+1)
FINAL SCORE: 18.1
**notes: Year One and Youth in Revolt were iffy for me – not so great with critics or box office, but I just can’t seem to think of them as total failures

Alia Shawkat
AD fame: +3
Awards cache: N/A
Comedies: Deck the Halls (-1), Bart Got a Room (+1), Whip It (+1)
Indie cred: Bart Got a Room (+1), Amreeka (+1), The Runaways (+1)
Cult/fanboy hits: N/A
Laughable dramas: Amreeka (+1)
Box office biggies: N/A
Later TV work: Without a Trace (+.5), Boomtown (+.5), Veronica Mars (+.5), Not Like Everyone Else (+1), The Business (+.5), Bad Mother’s Handbook (+1), The Starter Wife (+.5), The League (+.5)
Behind the camera: N/A
FINAL SCORE: 13


ladies of SNL, ranked

Whether you’re a fan or not of these past couple seasons of Saturday Night Live, you’ll at least have to relent when it comes to the turn-of-the-century (and a bit of the late ’90s) cast’s efforts when it came to the females. Making it cool to be a woman on SNL for a new generation (and becoming the MVPs over virtually every male co-star), these six ladies have had varying success outside the world of the late-night sketch comedy.

Rachel Dratch
**SNL fame: +3
**Awards cache: N/A
**Failed comedies: Dickie Roberts (-1), Click (+1), I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (+1), My Life in Ruins (-1), I Hate Valentine’s Day (-1)
**Indie cred: Winter Passing (-1), Looking for Kitty (-1),
Freshman Orientation (-1)
**Cult/fanboy hits: Down with Love (+1)
**Laughable dramas: N/A
**Box office biggies: Click (+1.4),
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (+1.2)
**Later TV Work: Third Watch (+.5), Monk (+.5), Frasier (+.5), The King of Queens (+.5), Aqua Teen Hunger Force (+.5), Wizards of Waverly Place (+.5), Ugly Betty (+.5), Sherri (+.5), 30 Rock (+.5)
**Behind the camera: N/A
SUCCESS SCORE: 7.1
notes: Spring Breakdown got half-ways decent reviews – and I personally liked it – but it went straight to DVD, and success data is vague.

Tina Fey
**SNL fame: +6
**Awards cache: Nine Emmy noms (+4.5), Seven Emmy wins (+14), One Golden Globe nom (+.75), Two Golden Globe wins (+6),
Three Individual SAG wins (+3)
**Failed comedies: Beer League (-1), Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (-1), The Invention of Lying (-1),
Mean Girls (+1), Baby Mama (+1), Date Night (+1), Megamind (+1)
**Indie cred: N/A
**Cult/fanboy hits: Mean Girls (+1)
**Laughable dramas: N/A
**Box office biggies: Mean Girls (+.9), Baby Mama (+.6),
Date Night (+1), Megamind (+.5)
**Later TV work: 30 Rock (+5), Sesame Street (+.5)
**Behind the camera: Writer of Saturday Night Live (+1), Writer of Mean Girls (+1), Writer/Producer of 30 Rock (+1),
Writer of The Colin Quinn Show (-1)
SUCCESS SCORE: 46.75
notes: Though a critical success, Ponyo had low box office receipts. Thus, jury’s out on its overall success.

Ana Gasteyer
**SNL fame: +3
**Awards cache: N/A
**Failed comedies: Meet the Deedles (-1), Dick (-1),
What Women Want (+1), Mean Girls (+1)
**Indie cred: Dare (+1)
**Cult/fanboy hits: Mean Girls (+1), Reefer Madness (+1)
**Laughable dramas: N/A
**Box office biggies: What Women Want (+1.8), Mean Girls (+.9)
**Later TV work: Party of Five (+.5), NYPD Blue (+.5), Law and Order (+.5), Just Shoot Me! (+.5), Mad About You (+.5), 3rd Rock from the Sun (+.5), Frasier (+.5), Reefer Madness (+1), The Good Wife (+.5), Chuck (+.5)
**Behind the camera: N/A
SUCCESS SCORE: 14.2
notes: What’s the Worst That Could Happen? and The Women had decent box office showings, but poor reviews.

Amy Poehler
**SNL fame: +5
**Awards cache: Three Emmy noms (+1.5)
**Failed comedies: Mean Girls (+1), Envy (-1), Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (-1), The Ex (-1), Blades of Glory (+1), Shrek the Third (+1), Horton Hears a Who! (+1), Baby Mama (+1), Monsters vs. Aliens (+1), Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (+1)
**Indie cred: Wet Hot American Summer (+1), Hamlet 2 (+1),
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (-1)
**Cult/fanboy hits: Wet Hot American Summer (+1), Mean Girls (+1), Southland Tales (+1), Hamlet 2 (+1)
**Laughable dramas: N/A
**Box office biggies: Mean Girls (+.9), Blades of Glory (+1.2), Shrek the Third (+3.2), Horton Hears a Who! (+1.5), Baby Mama (+.6), Monsters vs. Aliens (+2), Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel (+2.2)
**Later TV work: Undeclared (+.5), Arrested Development (+.5), The Simpsons (+.5), Spongebob Squarepants (+.5), The Mighty B! (+2), Parks and Recreation (+3)
**Behind the camera: Writer/Producer of Parks and Recreation (+1), Writer/Producer of The Mighty B! (+1)
SUCCESS SCORE: 36.1
notes: Mr. Woodcock had decent receipts, but middling reviews. Dilemma.

Maya Rudolph
**SNL fame: +3
**Awards cache: One Chicago Film Critics nom (+.5), One Washington, D.C. Film Critics nom (+.5)
**Failed comedies: Duets (-1), Duplex (-1), 50 First Dates (+1), A Prairie Home Companion (+1), Shrek the Third (+1), Away We Go (+1), MacGruber (-1), Grown Ups (+1)
**Indie cred: Chuck & Buck (+1), A Prairie Home Companion (+1),
Away We Go (+1)
**Cult/fanboy hits: Chuck & Buck (+1), Idiocracy (+1)
**Laughable dramas: N/A
**Box office biggies: 50 First Dates (+1.2), Shrek the Third (+3.2),
Grown Ups (+1.6)
**Later TV work: Action (+.5), City of Angels (+1), The Simpsons (+.5), Kath and Kim (+.5)
**Behind the camera: N/A
SUCCESS SCORE: 19.5
notes: Idiocracy did pretty poorly at the box office, but had a fairly above-average critical response.

Molly Shannon
**SNL fame: +5
**Awards cache: One Emmy nom (+.5)
**Failed comedies: Happiness (+1), Analyze This (+1), Never Been Kissed (+1), My 5 Wives (-1), How the Grinch Stole Christmas (+1), Osmosis Jones (-1), Serendipity (+1), The Santa Clause 2 (+1), My Boss’s Daughter (-1), Good Boy! (-1), Scary Movie 4 (+1), Talladega Nights (+1),
Evan Almighty (-1), Igor (-1)
**Indie cred: Happiness (+1), Wet Hot American Summer (+1),
American Splendor (+1), Marie Antoinette (+1), Year of the Dog (+1)
**Cult/fanboy hits: A Night at the Roxbury (+1), Superstar (+1),
Wet Hot American Summer (+1)
**Laughable dramas: Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (-1)
**Box office biggies: Analyze This (+1.1), Never Been Kissed (+.6), How the Grinch Stole Christmas (+2.6), Serendipity (+.5), The Santa Clause 2 (+1.4), Scary Movie 4 (+.9), Little Man (+.6), Talladega Nights (+1.5), Evan Almighty (+1)
**Later TV work: The Single Guy (+.5), Seinfeld (+.5), Sex and the City (+.5), The Music Man (+1), Ed (+.5), Will and Grace (+.5), Scrubs (+.5), My Gym Partner’s a Monkey (+.5), 30 Rock (+.5), American Dad! (+.5), Pushing Daisies (+.5), Kath & Kim (+1), The New Adventures of Old Christine (+.5), Web Therapy (+.5), Glee (+.5), Neighbors from Hell (+1)
**Behind the camera: Writer of Superstar (+1)
SUCCESS SCORE: 35.2
notes: A Night at the Roxbury and Superstar have devoted followings and a not-so-bad box office draw, but the critics weren’t fans. Paradox. Oh, and it kills me to count The Grinch and Serendipity as positives, as I dislike both.

the FRIENDS and their film exploits, ranked

Holding that distinct spot as my favorite television series ever – believe me, it’s high praise; I’m an avid watcher (and past watcher) of probably several hundred of them – means that I have a soft spot for that six-some gaggle of goofballs known as the Friends cast. But when it comes to their continuing efforts for careers after (and during) their tenure on NBC, some have fared better than others. I present, a study (and some very high-tech scoring techniques).

Jennifer Aniston
**Friends fame (1 to 6 scale): +6
**Awards cache: Five Emmy noms (+2.5), One Emmy Win (+2), One Globe nom (+.75), One Globe win (+3), Two Individual SAG noms (+.75), One Indie Spirit nom (+.5), One Razzie nom (-1)
**Failed comedies (1 point docked per): She’s the One (-1), Picture Perfect (-1), The Object of My Affection (-1), The Switch (-1)
**Successful indie cred (1 point per): The Good Girl (+1)
**Cult/fanboy hits (1 point per): Office Space (+1)
**Laughable dramas (1 point per): Rock Star (-1), Derailed (-1),
Love Happens (-1)
**Box office biggies (1 point per $100-mil.): Bruce Almighty (+2.4), Along Came Polly (+.8), The Break-Up (+1.2), Marley & Me (+1.4)
**Later TV work (1 point per lead per season, .5 for guest): 30 Rock (+.5), Cougar Town (+.5)
**Behind the camera (1 point per credit): N/A
SUCCESS SCORE: 16.3
notes: He’s Just Not That Into You wasn’t counted due to its ensemble nature, and The Bounty Hunter was far too much of a toss-up to be considered either success or failure.

Courteney Cox
**Friends fame: +4
**Awards cache: One Globe nom (+.75), Two Razzie noms (-2)
**Failed comedies: The Shrink Is In (-1)
**Successful indie cred: The Runner (-1), November (-1), The Tripper (-1)
**Cult/fanboy hits: Scream (+1)
**Laughable dramas: N/A
**Box office biggies: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (+.7), Scream (+1), Scream 2 (+1), Scream 3 (+.9), The Longest Yard (+1.6),
Bedtime Stories (+1.1)
**Later TV work: Dirt (+2), Scrubs (+.5), Cougar Town (+2)
**Behind the camera: Producer of Cougar Town (+1), Producer of Dirt (+1)
SUCCESS SCORE: 12.55

Lisa Kudrow
**Friends fame: +4
**Awards cahe: One Chicago Film Critics nom (+.5), Six Emmy noms (+3), One Emmy win (+2), One Globe nom (+.75), One Indie Spirit nom (+.5), One NY Film Critics win (+.75), One Razzie nom (-1), Three Individual SAG noms (+2.25), One individual SAG win (+1)
**Failed comedies: Hanging Up (-1), Lucky Numbers (-1), Marci X (-1), Bandslam (-1)
**Successful indie cred: The Opposite of Sex (+1), Wonderland (-1), Happy Endings (+1), Kabluey (+1)
**Cult/fanboy hits: Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion (+1)
**Laughable dramas: N/A
**Box office biggies: Analyze This (+1), P.S. I Love You (+.5),
Hotel for Dogs (+.7), Easy A (+.6)
**Later TV work: The Simpsons (+.5), Mad About You (+.5), King of the Hill (+.5), The Comeback (+1), Cougar Town (+.5), Web Therapy (+1)
**Behind the camera: Producer/writer of Web Therapy (+1), Producer/writer of The Comeback (+1)
SUCCESS SCORE: 21.55
notes: Analyze That and Paper Man were too divisive to consider them “hits” or “failures.”

Matt LeBlanc
**Friends fame: +2
**Awards cache: Three Emmy noms (+1.5), Three Globe noms (+2.25), Two Razzie noms (-2), One individual SAG nom (+.75)
**Failed comedies: Ed (-1), All the Queen’s Men (-1)
**Successful indie cred: All the Queen’s Men (-1)
**Cult/fanboy hits: N/A
**Laughable dramas: Lost in Space (-1)
**Box office biggies: Lost in Space (+.7), Charlie’s Angels (+1.3),
Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (+1)
**Later TV work: Joey (+2)
**Behind the camera: Producer of Jonah Hex (-1)
SUCCESS SCORE: 4.5
notes: Though it pained me to do so, Joey lasted two season and gained LeBlanc a Globe nomination, so sticking by the rules it earned a +2.

Matthew Perry
**Friends fame: +3
**Awards cache: Four Emmy noms (+2), One Globe nom (+.75),
One individual SAG nom (+.75)
**Failed comedies: Almost Heroes (-1), Three to Tango (-1), Serving Sara (-1), The Whole Ten Yards (-1)
**Successful indie cred: Birds of America (-1)
**Cult/fanboy hits: N/A
**Laughable dramas: N/A
**Box office biggies: The Whole Nine Yards (+.6),
Disney’s The Kid (+.7), 17 Again (+.6)
**Later TV work: Caroline in the City (+.5), Ally McBeal (+.5), The West Wing (+.5), Scrubs (+.5), The Ron Clark Story (+1), Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (+1)
**Behind the camera: Director of Scrubs episode (+.5)
SUCCESS SCORE: 7.9
notes: Fools Rush In wasn’t such a critical hit, but it did relatively well in theaters. Not ranked as a result.

David Schwimmer
**Friends fame: +1
**Awards cache: One Emmy nom (+.5), One Razzie nom (-1)
**Failed comedies: The Pallbearer (-1), Kissing a Fool (-1)
**Successful indie cred: Nothing But the Truth (+1)
**Cult/fanboy hits: Run Fatboy Run (+1)
**Laughable dramas: Six Days, Seven Nights (-1)
**Box office biggies: Six Days, Seven Nights (+.7), Madagascar (+1.9), Madagascar Escape 2 Africa (+1.8)
**Later TV work: ER (+.5), Band of Brothers (+.5),
Curb Your Enthusiasm (+.5), 30 Rock (+.5)
**Behind the camera: Director of Friends episodes (+1), Director of Joey episodes (+.5), Director of episodes of Little Britain USA (+1), Producer of Kissing a Fool (-1)
SUCCESS SCORE: 7.4

So there are my final results, my friends – comment away on my extremely flawed system (which is completely meant for entertainment purposes, just to be clear; I don’t actually consider myself a pop culture scientist). It looks like Kudrow comes out the winner in a landslide, and LeBlanc’s failed attempts at movies and lack of work post-Friends did him in. If you’d like to see more of “Ranked” in the future, please let me know!