august MOVIE MEME, day 31: my least favorite horror movie(s)
This one is almost too easy. For as many horror movies succeed and transcend the negative stereotypes of the genre, there are 10 more that don’t manage. Sure, some can be campy fun, but some are just flat-out bad. Here are two examples: one new school and one old:
My Bloody Valentine 3-D (2009, dir. Patrick Lussier) – Here’s my new school example: horror remake My Bloody Valentine. Now, I haven’t seen the 1981 original, but I’m assuming it wasn’t this god-awful. The new bad horror movie is all about rehashing the past. It seems to be rare that we get a scary offering that hasn’t already been done before, and typically sometime in the 1980s. This is no different, except for the fact that it used a now tired gimmick to lure in helpless audience members into what was a truly terrible horror movie. The plot was infuriatingly thin, the acting was atrocious and the 3-D effects were relegated to predictable gags such as eyeballs and nudity flying out at you. I remember it being not so much frightening as annoying. For all the trouble to obtain the rights to the original and to film in 3-D and to get all those graphic nudity contracts signed, you’d think they could’ve put together something a little less disgustingly stinky.
Hellraiser (1987, dir. Clive Barker) – I know it’s an ’80s classic to some, and Clive Barker and his band of ferocious fans will probably have my head for this, but all I could think about while watching Hellraiser was how it made absolutely no sense to me. I get that Barker was trying to craft this alternative horrific universe where a group of supernatural beings lure in unwitting participants into being tortured for all eternity or some-such, but there were no scares present for me. I was left to wonder how a casting agent managed to yet again avoid finding anyone with a smidgen of talent to play in the movie and how the plot was so vague and confusing that it was impossible to be on the edge of one’s seat. I’m sure it’s probably some elaborate work of genius that I just flat-out don’t understand, but I’m not about to give it a second look anytime soon. Maybe I could give its inexplicable NINE sequels a visit? Strangely enough, rumor has it My Bloody Valentine director Patrick Lussier is attached to direct the upcoming remake.